This Is Just As Hard As I Expected

I officially began this public weight loss journey almost three months ago. To be honest, I am not happy this my progress. The one thing that stands in between my weight loss goal and all this weight is me. I lay here in bed to tonight wondering why I get in my own way of what I really want. If living with my goal weight is really what I want, why do I willingly sabotage myself? If I worked out at the gym, why would I come home and eat something to only negate that workout? If this is something I really desire, why do the hurdles and stumbling blocks seem so enticing? These are just questions I ask myself tonight. I have journals and journals that I have kept over the years where I have poured out my heart over and over again how self-conscious I was of my weight. Why was I not able to overcome back then? If my weight was causing so much pain, why did I settle for the fat shell that I still find myself battling? Was my happiness not worth the fight?

This journey is tough. It's hard...and I expected this. But as I make intentional decisions to workout and refuse foods I would normally jump at, I sometimes just want to give up. Am I really doing this for me I wonder? If everyone were ok with me being fat and loved the fat me as opposed to judging me, would I too be able to love the fat me as well. I do love me but I think I will love the skinny me more.

Anyway I'm just a-rambling here after midnight on a Friday night. I will sort through all this weekend. Obviously the process of refocusing is not yet over. Goodnight!

Friday Faves #4

The follow recipe was taken from Gina's WW Recipes. (http://weight-watchers-points-recipes.blogspot.com/) I tried this recipe last weekend. The prep time was minimal and the ingredients really enhance and bring out the flavors of this ALREADY wonderful vegetable. I happened to be over my points last Friday night so I refrigerated and ate it following my Saturday morning workout. It tasted even BETTER! This veggie recipe will definitely be a staple for me.

For all of you cauliflower phobes, this veggie is more like a potato than anything. So if you'd like to cut down on the carbs you're inhaling, I would definitely recommend the cauliflower. I am posting Gina's recipe here for convenience. But go and check out her website...there are so many more that I want to try.

Oven Roasted Cauliflower
Gina's Weight Watcher Recipes
Servings: 6 • Serving Size: 1 cup • Calories: 94 • Points: 2.25 pts


6 cups cauliflower florets (1 large cauliflower) cut small
3 garlic cloves, chopped
1/4 cup olive oil
kosher salt and fresh pepper
juice of 1/4 lemon
1/4 cup Parmigiano Reggiano, freshly grated
Preheat oven to 450°F.

Combine cauliflower, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt and pepper well so all the florets are coated and seasoned. Place in a large shallow roasting pan and place in the center of the oven.
Roast for about 1 hour, turning florets occasionally so they are evenly cooked. Remove from oven and top with Parmigiano Reggiano and additional salt and pepper if needed.




When I first heard of Bagel-fuls a couple years ago, I was grossed out. My initial thought was Who the world wants to eat something where cream cheese is gonna gush out into your mouth?? I most certainly didn't want to. Perhaps many of you think that sounds wonderful. Not I. But I was at the local grocery store and saw that these where on sale for $1.74, so I figured why not give them a try. I tried the Cinnamon Bagel-fuls my first time and they were definitely yummy. So I went back to the store and purchased the Strawberry. It was love at first gush...lol. No, the cream cheese does not gush at all (for those who are cringe at gushing like me). But the Stawberry Bagel-fuls are amazing! They are amazing for a snack, breakfast, dessert, pretty much ANYTIME. Go get and rejoice!

Time to Re-Focus

The title of this entry is self-explanatory. I need to re-focus. Somehow I've become less disciplined than I was 13 weeks ago. Even 4 weeks ago. It all started 2 weeks ago, when I GAINED 1.6 at my weigh-in. I went home and ordered pizza. Pizza Hut Pizza and Cheesy Breadsticks no less. Not that I didn't care. That wasn't my mindset at all. I just figured I would treat myself for ONE meal and then go back the next morning. I even planned extra workouts to help offset the millions of calories I consumed. HOWEVER, the next day, I had car issues and that prevented me from getting to the gym, not to mention added stress so I ate more pizza. Again, I wouldn't say it was emotional eating. I didn't have time to cook and behold there was leftover pizza in the fridge. Were there better options for me in the fridge? Sure but it was easier to have a moment ENJOYING my pizza. This was in direct result to allowing my discipline to slip as well as a lack of thought prior to chewing.

THEN, my dad moved the same week from Hawaii. With him, he brought many yummy snacks and I partook because mind you, I have not been home to Maui in a long time. Pretty much my week went downhill from there.

So my Tuesday weigh-in rolled around and I skipped it. To be honest, I had not worked out nor had I put in the effort to stay within my Point intake so I figured a weight gain was inevitable and I did not want to see it.

So another week has gone by. I've done better but not perfectly. I've been far too lax and lenient and just plain careless.

But alas, I am going to my weigh-in today. NOT going will not change what the scale says. If I have gained weight, it will be a good lesson for me that I need to stay on top of this battle. Only I can do this (with God's help of course). But no one can workout for me. No one is going to say Marian, don't eat that cake. Only I can make those choices. And I am worth those choices. My healthy is worth those choices. Attendance at today's weigh-in and meeting is my opportunity to hit the reset button my my weight-loss clock and refocus. Right now and forward will be on point! I'll update you all following my weigh-in. Stay tuned!

Friday Faves #3

This healthy snack often gets overlooked and does not get enough credit. The fuji apple is the best snack around. I actually prefer this over candy these days. I know you're thinking what the heck is wrong with Marian? An apple is NOT better than chocolate. I beg to differ. The Fuji apple is no ordinary apple. It is sweet, juicy, and crisp. It's hard to find all three of those characteristics in one apple. But oh, the fuji exceeds my apple expectations everytime. I have YET to have a bad Fuji. Not to mention these precious gems are high in fiber and our beloved vitamins that we need on a daily basis. Good luck getting both of those in a chocolate bar! So pass up the Granny Smith, the Pink Lady and the Red Delicious and choose the Fuji! So yum!



I am in love with these sandwich flats! I may never return to regular bread again. These sandwich thins are perfect in the morning with sliced turkey and egg or at lunch with a Boca Patty. They are very calorie and carb friendly and have plenty of fiber. Not only are they healthy but they really have a nice taste and texture. And because there is less bread, you really taste the contents of your sandwich more.

Fat Girl Running #2 - So Far So Good!

I have officially completed my first week of my walk/jog program. Yay me! Honestly, jogging has not been as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I'm actually enjoying it! I think this is a positive habit in the making and I'm really excited about the progress to come.

On my first day of jogging (Tuesday) I could only run 30 seconds without feeling like I was going to pass out. By Thursday, I was able to run all the 1-minute segments in the workout. This morning, I was able to jog all segments and the actual action of running is beginning to feel somewhat normal and less awkward.

In order to prevent injury and minimize soreness, I stretch for 5 minutes before and after each workout. And this has really helped. I thought I would wake up the next day crazy sore but I felt fine. Don't get me wrong, there was soreness in muscles that have not been worked but it was not interfere with anything I wanted to do.

Couch to 5K has also made me want an iPod Touch. There is an application available that allows you to listen to your own music but gives cues as to when it's time to walk and when to run. I'm currently using the stopwatch on my Nano to keep track of my segment times but it would be so convenient to have an automated voice direct me through my workout. I already have two iPods, so to purchase another one just seems impulsive and unnecessary. I was in Best Buy for an hour today and left the store with my money...still not feeling completely sure I wanted to buy one. So I'm still thinking about it...if anyone would like to bless me with one, I receive! Kidding but not kidding...lol.

Well I hope you all are having a great weekend. I didn't report on any Friday Faves yesterday but will definitely make up with FOUR picks this week!

Fat Girl Running #1

I finally implemented my walking/jogging program this morning. This has definitely been something I've been wanting to do for a long time now. Now that I have lost nearly 20 lbs., I feel like my joints are more mobile and can handle the load of jogging. Besides that, my workouts need something more

Now I've never jogged nor ran in my life. So when I hit the pavement this morning I felt completely out of my element. I warmed up with a brisk 5-minute walk. That was not a problem. But as soon as entered the first 1-minute segment of running, that action just felt completely foreign to me. It was definitely outside my comfort zone...which is why I have chosen to wake up at 5am BEFORE the sun comes out. Call me silly, but I DO NOT want ANYONE seeing me run. I already feel awkward enough. By the time Spring/Summer rolls around and the sun begins peeking out at 5am, I'll be a pro and won't need to hide under the light-less sky.

All in all, I am going to stick with the program. My short-term goal is to run/jog continuously without stopping for 30 minutes. I am giving myself 12 weeks. Maybe I'll be able to accomplish that feat sooner! We shall see! In the meantime, stay tuned!

Friday Faves!

This week on my shopping outing I picked up some of these almonds. Not only are almonds a substantial snack providing protein to hold you over until your next meal, these are covered in a dark chocolate! Normally, I'm don't get jazzed over dark chocolate AT ALL. I'm a milk chocolate kind of girl. But these almonds taste SO good. And these packs in particular are already divided into easy 100 calorie pouches so you can grab them and go. This morning I paired these almonds with an apple and I was super satisfied til lunch. Satisfied doesn't mean I don't want eat out of boredom...it just means I wasn't technically hungry.


My second favorite snack is something I whipped up in my own kitchen. Who would've thought that black beans and brownies would ever been combined to make a yummy snack? Not I! I found this recipe on the Weight Watchers message boards. I was intrigued so I headed to the grocery store and picked up brownie mix and black beans. You drain the liquid off the black beans and pour into blender. You add 1/4 cup water and puree. Combine the pureed beans with brownie mix in a large bowl. That's it. No eggs, no oil...just brownie mix and black beans. Got it? You mix well and put in baking pan. I placed in muffin pan for easy grab and go in the morning. But these muffins are without a doubt what my co-worker exclaimed "Amazing." They are super moist and fudgy...Weight Watchers or not, I will never make brownies the other way again. Not to mention the beans add protein and fiber! Double plus! Believe me, you can't taste the black beans at all! Also when picking up the black beans, make sure you don't get anything flavored like "Southwestern" or "Spicy Garlic" ... Just plain black beans like what is in the pic!

Temperature Check

Hey folks...

I realize that I have not been blogging regularly. Time seems to get away from me. However, I have a planner and I have scheduled times that are set aside for blogging. This includes updating this site and updating my YouTube videos. I may even begin to embed the YouTube videos here so they are consolidated in one area.

So today, my blog is a temperature check. This is an update of my journey in Weight Watchers thus far. It was been 10 weeks so far, and in that time, I have lost a total of 18.8 pounds. On one hand, I had higher expectations at the beginning but I am proud of my progress. Last Friday, I went shopping and found that I am down nearly 2 pant sizes! That was worth more than what the scale said.

I have found that this new lifestyle has nearly become second nature and I am able to effortlessly shop and cook without feeling like I have sacrificed something. Rarely do I even feel like like I'm on a diet. There are moments when I have cravings but they are momentary and I feel like I can move beyond them whereas before, I pretty much sulked. Yep, crossed arms, pouted lips and almost near tears...lol...well minus the tears.

Anyway, check out the vid. Feel free to comment, ask questions, encourage and share with others. My journey is YOUR journey! Love y'all!