If You Don't Like It, Change It

Sooo...

If anyone knows me at all, one thing they do not know is my weight. I share this number this NO ONE. The only people that know are nurses and doctors and Weight Watcher women who have weighed me in. This information is only given on a MUST KNOW basis and it is "I" who determines who MUST know.

I have recently acquired a new trainer. He is actually a good friend of mine...well he's turning into a good friend of mine. He said he would need to know my weight amongst other bits of info in order to formulate a plan for me. Immediately I was like "No way will this guy ever know that." Via text conversation, he challened me to realize that my weight is nothing but a number. He said that if I don't like my weight then I need to change it.

I know the idea of not liking something and making the decision to change it sounds simple. But not for me. I feel like losing weight has been an uphill battle ALL MY LIFE. I've tried and failed so many times. So much that I'm almost afraid to try again. Of course I will not be defeated. I will continue to pursue a healthy lifestyle because my body is essentially God's house and I need to be a good steward of it.

Ok, This Is Just Ridiculous Already!

Hey all,

So I needed to just take a moment to update my blog. I've neglected all of you long enough. Hopefully you all have not given up on me and are able to read this.

I completely left Weight Watchers and all my goals by the wayside last month around Thanksgiving. I really let the holidays kick my butt this year! A friend of mine from kindergarten and fellow WW follower told me not too...she said "Marian don't overdo it. You'll regret it." Over the past 4-6 weeks I've noticed that I've picked some of the old habits that I had dropped. In doing so, I've gained back some of the weight that I lost from August - October. And not only that but I feel really "yuck" in my body.

So HOW did this happen? The holiday season in and of itself got really busy. I never planned on NOT having the time to work out. I didn't plan on NOT having the time to cook and make my own meals. And to be honest I could have MADE the time but I failed to plan. And like the old saying goes, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." And I failed myself over this past holiday season. I allowed myself to get lazy and eat whatever and didn't plan time for the gym. In doing so, I only cheated myself.

As you can see, I make no excuses. This is my fault. Yes, it was Thanksgiving and Christmas. But Thanksgiving and Christmas take place every year. Yes, I had parties and events. I should've had a game plan so that I would not overindulge. I should've made time for workouts. Even 30 minutes 3-4 times a week is better than nothing.

Anyway, I am not making a new year's resolution to workout, eat better and lose weight. Instead I am recommitting myself to what I have already resolved to do.

More to come!

Temperature Check

Hey folks...

I realize that I have not been blogging regularly. Time seems to get away from me. However, I have a planner and I have scheduled times that are set aside for blogging. This includes updating this site and updating my YouTube videos. I may even begin to embed the YouTube videos here so they are consolidated in one area.

So today, my blog is a temperature check. This is an update of my journey in Weight Watchers thus far. It was been 10 weeks so far, and in that time, I have lost a total of 18.8 pounds. On one hand, I had higher expectations at the beginning but I am proud of my progress. Last Friday, I went shopping and found that I am down nearly 2 pant sizes! That was worth more than what the scale said.

I have found that this new lifestyle has nearly become second nature and I am able to effortlessly shop and cook without feeling like I have sacrificed something. Rarely do I even feel like like I'm on a diet. There are moments when I have cravings but they are momentary and I feel like I can move beyond them whereas before, I pretty much sulked. Yep, crossed arms, pouted lips and almost near tears...lol...well minus the tears.

Anyway, check out the vid. Feel free to comment, ask questions, encourage and share with others. My journey is YOUR journey! Love y'all!

Pizza Power!

Since the START of doing Weight Watchers, I've had the biggest craving for pizza. And not just any pizza. Pizza Hut Pan pizza which happens to be the greasiet, oiliest, and fattyest pizza to my knowledge. I LOVE everything about that pizza. The ooey, gooey cheese, the buttery thick crust, and the flavor. I'll even settle for some cheesy breadsticks. I even dreamt that I ate a few of the cheese breadsticks on my first week of WW...that's how intense this craving is.

I've been doing research to find the best tasting "healthy" pizza. I tried Healthy Choice last week and though rated one of the best tasting pizzas by Hungry Girl...I disagree. The sauce was way too sweet. I found myself dissatisfied with that pizza craving ever present in front of me.

ONE slice of Pizza Hut pizza will use HALF of my allotted daily points that I get on WW. I have not decided if this is worth it yet. I think not. At this point, I would rather eat more of something else that will be filling and healthy. If I eat ONE slice of pizza, I will be hungry again in literally three minutes. And that is if Marian can muster up the will power to stop at one slice. I don't trust myself and that is why I have chosen not to splurge.

And really - it's JUST food. How can food have such POWER? Is it me fueling these fatty cravings with the power that they have? If so, can I just as much empower the HEALTHY stuff. So instead of pizza, I crave a turkey sandwich on whole wheat with tons of veggies? Is it possible to fantacize about healthy foods...to meditate on that which is good and good for me? I think so. It may require me making a concerted effort to renew my mind and my way of thinking of the foods that I choose to eat but yes, very possible. Why fantacize on that will be destructive to my health and weight loss goals when I can think about making choices that will propel me even further toward the prize and cause me to feel energetic as opposed to slumpy and lazy!

I choose that which will propel me higher today! Pizza is just not that important to me.

Another Level: More than What the Scale Says

I am so proud to say I have reached new levels in my new lifestyle of eating better. I once heard the worst aspect of being deceived is the fact that you don't know you are deceived. And when it came to my food intake, I was CONVINCED that I was eating just fine. Why? Because I was eating like EVERY other thin person that I know. But I was deceived to think that what works for every one of my friends would work for me too and that my body was malfunctioning and in need of healing. On the contrary! What needed healing and renewal was my MIND!

Mind you, I was not the outlandish overeater that many overweight people tend to be by a long shot. However, I have learned that many of the foods I was consuming was not condusive for weightloss or my body type. I'm trying an array of new foods now and I am definitely keen to what works for me and gives me energy vs what bloats me and slows me down. I try to steer clear of the latter no matter how tasty it may sound at the time. For instance, cheese...I love it. I have found the joys of lowfat and fat free cheeses that help me to stay within my caloric/fat intake goals. But cheese makes me feel icky. Does that mean I'm gonna give it up altogher? HECKS NO! But I will eat that less often than --- say fruit which my body L-O-V-E-S!

And the reveleation of what works and doesn't work is just one facet of this new level I've reached. I'm loving how I feel. The scale did not reflect a huge loss this week (1 pound) but I know that my progress is more than that. I feel leaps and bounds better about myself knowing that I am INVESTING in myself. I am literally LOVING myself more BY eating better and fueling it properly. As oppposed to eating impulsively, I'm listening to my body's signals. What is it hungry FOR? And instead of fresh fries, I'll put in cherry tomatoes, baby carrots and laughing cow cheese. YUMMERS...and my body loves it not to mention it tastes pretty bomb too.

Inspiration for Today

"Whether it’s resisting that margarita at happy hour or getting a walk in every day, small successes will make weight loss more manageable." JillianMichaels

I love when I find a quote and something within me resonates with agreement. Today, this quote works for me. Trying to tackle such a large task, as weight loss, ALL at once is difficult. It would be hard to eat a T-Bone steak all in one bite...not only would it be hard, it's impossible. Same when dealing with weight loss, reversing old habits and creating new ones. You have to take it one "bite" at a time. Literally.

Happy Monday! Just wanted to stop in share...love y'all!

Liberation of Losing - The Blog!

Drum Roll please...

The long awaited, forever anticipated blog is now here!

My name is Marian, I am 31 and I live in the beautiful Austin, TX. I am overweight and I have been overweight my entire life. I have no recollection of ever being thin. I have no clue what being thin even feels like. By the time, I was in 6th grade, I was over 200 lbs. I've been in the same size jeans since 7th grade. I've shopped in a plus sized clothing store all my life. I've been conscious of my body every single day of my life.

I remember being on my first diet in 2nd grade. I was put on Slim Fast. That would be the first of MANY diets through the years. I still recall my 3rd grade teacher pulling me aside every Friday to weigh me in the nurse's office. She told me that she wanted to help me lose weight but never told me HOW that was going to happen. I weighed 103 lbs in the 3rd grade! She instructed me to keep a food diary...many days I would abstain from meals altogether because I thought that was how you lose weight. I remember being super embarrassed when my friends would ask why we were going to the nurse's office every Friday. I didn't dare tell them the truth so I made up some excuse although I don't remember exactly what anymore.

My weight never interfered with my ability to make friends, meet new people, or get involved in new things. I've never been that fat girl hanging out alone at recess. In fact, I've always had a lot of friends and I make friends easily. Despite my confident demeanor, my body and my weight is something that occupies much of my thought life. And there definitely are moments when I feel insecure about how I look. At one point in my life, these thoughts were unhealthy and full of self-hate. But now, when I think of my body, I try not to think negatively about myself...instead, I try to maintain a perspective that is centered around my body and how it pertains to my health. I want to be at a healthy weight so that my days on earth may be long. I want a strong body so that I can do all the things God has planned without any physical limitations. I want to lose weight so that I can be an example to those around me that having victory and permanent success in this area is definitely possible!

The method I plan on using is the old fashioned one...smart eating and exercise. There will be no magic pills or lose weight overnight schemes. Just a lot of hard work, discipline and sweat. I will earn every single one of those pounds that I lose...I will be liberated as I lose the weight. I believe that people miss out getting to know the real Marian because they fail to see what lies beyond this sumo-like body. By liberating my thoughts and feelings and my journey here, I am also liberating the real Marian. As I lose the weight, more of me is being liberated. This is Liberation of Losing. I'm definitely excited to see the pounds and inches that I'll rack up as the numbers on the scale and tape measure go down.

I've started this blog to track my progress as I get serious about losing some MAJOR poundage. In conjunction with this blog, I will be creating videos to update you on how things are going on throughout the week, new things I am trying, what's working and what's not working, hurdles I'm encountering, etc. Basically, the videos are a way for you to get to know me personally. You can find these videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/liberationoflosing . Feel free to follow me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Meleana78